Thursday, April 17, 2014

“There is only one dream worth live while you are alive, and die only when you are dead.” ~Arundhati Roy

Sunday, April 13, 2014

Affirm your daughter's honest view of problems

"More than 50% of families are affected by one of these stress factors: a parent or extended family member who is mentally ill; someone who has been emotionally or physically abused; someone wh...o is chronically ill; or a sibling or child who has fallen off the developmental curve.

So what that means is that just about every girl has experience with one of these family stresses, but it’s often the sort of thing that people want to keep secret.

In many families, what mothers do is bring everybody together and make everything all right. We do it because it’s a seemingly healthy behavior to protect the family, but it’s very unhealthy for individuals, especially kids, who need validation about their own truthful perceptions.

Here’s an example. I had an aunt who was emotionally abusive, and when she came to visit, all of us kids would run and hide. I asked my father why he allowed her to visit, and he said, “We’re all she’s got.” I wish my father had said this: “Your aunt is angry and mean—exactly what you see—and because she is emotionally wounded, I have made a choice to keep her as part of the family. I know that it’s hard for you, but I’m going to ask you to do it as a way to build character.”

An adolescent girl’s cognitive abilities to curb her honesty in a socially appropriate way usually aren’t quite developed yet, so she tends to blurt out the truth.

It is a parental gift to affirm her perceptions, perhaps in private, and assure her that it’s OK to have that perception. Then you can help her work with the problem, knowing that you both know it’s reality, and that she’s not crazy for seeing something others won’t talk about."

~ Dr. Christiane Northrup

Read more

Saturday, April 12, 2014

“Listen--are you breathing just a little, and calling it a life?”  ― Mary Oliver

Friday, April 11, 2014

Every addiction ... is a result of self-rejection

Lies vs. The Truth
A Toltec Perspective on Addiction and Recovery
A roundtable discussion with Don Miguel Ruiz

What is addiction?

Lee: The addictions, to me, are symptoms of our discomfort with life.

Don Miguel: Every addiction ... is a result of self-rejection. Self-rejection creates all the addictions.
Gary: Would you therefore call addiction a “human” disease?

Don Miguel: I would call lies a human disease. Lies are the virus that puts the human mind in that condition. Addictions would be symptoms.

Gary: An element of the addictions community believes that alcohol, for example, is a poison for some individuals. From the very first time that you imbibe that poison, there’s a physiological addiction that develops. How do you view that? Do you think it is possible that it is a genetic disease in part? A physiological disease in part?

Don Miguel: Everything is involved in the addiction, it is not just one thing, and it is everything together. At the core is that we believe in lies. By believing in lies, we reject ourselves. Let’s see the anatomy of any addiction. At any time in life, you believe the lie that you are not the way that you should be. That creates a self-judgment and that, of course, creates self-rejection.

There are a lot of reactions from that self-rejection. Over time, these reactions become automatic. It is just action-reaction, action-reaction, hundreds of different reactions that hit you at the same time and make you behave in a certain way. It doesn’t matter where you go, or who you are with, you will always be with yourself. That is something that people cannot avoid. But, they try to escape from themselves. Maybe some drugs (Don Miguel imitates smoking) will help. Maybe some food will help. We try to avoid all those automatic reactions and we try to escape. The more that we try to escape, the more guilt, and the more shame comes up in us. We hate ourselves even more than before, sometimes so much that we attempt to kill ourselves, to just get over all of it. We fail and we don’t die. Maybe we try to kill ourselves again or maybe it is time to look for help.

When you look for help, you are looking for the truth. Then there are people who tell you, “Well, you cannot do it by yourself, you need divine help.” “You need to trust in someone and that someone will rescue you, will save you.” “You need a savior.” You ask, “God, please help me!” That is a big step. God is here (Don Miguel points to his chest.) Or maybe God is here (Don Miguel points to Barbara.) “God, I am so sick.”

I don’t know if you remember back to the very beginning of Dreaming (the Dreaming classes Don Miguel started in 2000) when I let all of you know that you are predators, that you are the parasite. I asked each one of you to stand up and say, “I am a parasite and I am addicted to suffering.” I asked you to describe all the ways that you make yourself suffer — “I suffer because I drink too much.” “I
suffer because I smoke too much.” “I suffer because I eat too much.” “I suffer ....” That was a big step in awareness. Now, you know.

Then it becomes will versus all those lies.

The role of will

Don Miguel: Will is not something that you can measure by quantity or intensity. Will is the result of the application of the truth.

 Lee: So when someone says, “I don’t have the willpower to not drink.” What you’re actually saying ...

Don Miguel: Then you are lying. I respond by saying, “You are lying.” But if you want to believe that lie, then drink for the rest of your life.

Lee: Where does will fit appproximately in that relationship?

Don Miguel: First, you want to hear yourself. It is your desire, you are tired of the addiction, and you don’t want it any more — all the automatic reactions that become millions of reactions that control you, that keep you in that direction. You experience all the excuses and all that becomes automatic in your body, but you believe that you cannot control the addiction, which is another lie, of course.

First you have a desire to be saved, but real desire. I am not talking about saying, “Oh, I want to stop smoking,” as you pick up a cigarette and continue to smoke. That is lying. Compare that to the person who picks up a cigarette, looks at the cigarette and says, “It’s over. I don’t smoke anymore.” That is will. The will is not controlled by your intellect. It is not a desire in your head to try to stop doing something. That is not will. That is stupidity. Do you understand?

Read the full interview here.

Thursday, April 10, 2014

It’s not our cross to bear

"One thing I have learned with certainty is not to stand in connection with those who diminish me. This is particularly difficult when family is involved, because we have a vested interest in perpetuating the family system for all kinds of different reasons. I don’t believe one should endure abuse no matter how attached they are to an idea of family. There are many families (read: soulpod) waiting for us just outside our habitual awareness. We are not responsible for those who diminish us. We really have to get that. We can be compassionate and we can certainly understand where their abusiveness comes from, but understanding the origins does not mean we have to endure it. It’s not
our cross to bear."

-Jeff Brown, Love it Forward

Wednesday, April 2, 2014

“There are years that ask questions and years that answer.”  ― Zora Neale Hurston

Monday, March 31, 2014

It’s not as simple as changing a tire.

"It’s not as simple as changing a tire. You can influence and support others in their transformation, but you can’t change them. If there is any learning that I wish had been sealed in my brain at a young age, it is this one. How much time we waste trying to change others, when the only one we can change is staring at us in the mirror."

-Jeff Brown, Love it Forward

Sunday, March 30, 2014


“You alone are enough. You have nothing to prove to anybody.” ― Maya Angelou

Saturday, March 29, 2014

Libraries are reservoirs of strength

“Libraries are reservoirs of strength, grace and wit, reminders of order, calm and continuity, lakes of mental energy, neither warm nor cold, light nor dark.... In any library in the world, I am at home, unselfconscious, still and absorbed. ” ― Germaine Greer

Thursday, March 27, 2014

The astonishing light of your own being.

"Ever since happiness heard your name, it has been running through the streets trying to find you. I wish I could show you when you are lonely or in the darkness, the astonishing light of your own being." -Hafiz

Wednesday, March 26, 2014

Trees are great listeners.

"Trees are great teachers. The trees are great listeners. That is why we should meditate in their presence. The Great spirit is in every rock, every animal, every human being and in every tree. The Great Spirit has been in some trees for hundreds of years. Therefore, the trees have witnessed and heard much. The trees are the Elders of the Elders. Their spirits are strong and very healing." —Mary Hayes

Tuesday, March 25, 2014

Life is a dream

“My grandfather used to tell me that life was a dream. He also said that when people finally realized this, the dream could be changed, and then humanity would change.” ~ Don Miguel Ruiz

Sometimes there is simply no bridge left between two hearts

"Relationships are like bridges-we can build them up, or knock them down. People often assume that we sever connections because we are carrying a grudge. But that’s not always true. Sometimes there is simply no bridge left between the two hearts. We can try to re-build it, but that’s not always possible or desired. With our lessons learned, we move on to build a new bridge somewhere else. The hope is that the bridges we form get more stable and nourishing over time."

 -Jeff Brown, Love it Forward

Wednesday, January 15, 2014

The more they put up with, the worse they feel.

“By not standing up for themselves when it is appropriate, many [survivors] damage their self -esteem. They become angry and ashamed of themselves for putting up with inappropriate behavior. The more they put up with, the worse they feel. Soon, they begin to believe they don’t have a right to complain and convince themselves they are making a big thing out of nothing.” ~Beverly Engel, Nice Girl Syndrome

Monday, January 13, 2014

Spiral Healing

“The healing process is best described as a spiral. Survivors go through the stages once, sometimes many times; sometimes in one order, sometimes in another. Each time they hit a stage again, they move up the spiral: they can integrate new information and a broader range of feelings, utilize more resources, take better care of themselves, and make deeper changes.”  ~Laura Davis, Allies in Healing

Saturday, January 11, 2014

I express my pain in a healthy way

“I used to reject and punish myself when I was rejected by others. I thought their treatment was “proof” that I was worthless. Even though the way I was treated as a child told me that I’m deserving of abuse, healing has shown me that I’m not defined by how people treat me and that I’m just as worthy of equal value as everyone else. Now, when I experience disappointment from the way people treat me, I take special care of myself with comfort and protection. I express my pain in a healthy way.” ~Christina Enevoldsen

Thursday, January 9, 2014


“Your instincts may tell you that you can’t survive if you experience feelings. But they are leftover child instincts. They’re the ones that first told you to freeze your feelings. They themselves are frozen and haven’t grown with the rest of you. These instincts don’t know that you’re far more capable of learning to cope with overwhelming emotion now than when you were a [child].”~ Maureen Brady, Beyond Betrayal

Tuesday, January 7, 2014

For too long...

“For too long we have been protecting the ones who have hurt us by minimizing our trauma and deprivation. It’s time to stop protecting them and start to protect ourselves. We have been told and feel that we are responsible for their emotional well-being. We are not. We are responsible only for ourselves.” ~Beverly Engel, The Right to Innocence