Thursday, January 15, 2015

With Sobering Science, Doctor Debunks 12-Step Recovery

"There is a large body of evidence now looking at AA success rate, and the success rate of AA is between 5 and 10 percent. Most people don't seem to know that because it's not widely publicized. ... There are some studies that have claimed to show scientifically that AA is useful. These studies are riddled with scientific errors and they say no more than what we knew to begin with, which is that AA has probably the worst success rate in all of medicine.

It's not only that AA has a 5 to 10 percent success rate; if it was successful and was neutral the rest of the time, we'd say OK. But it's harmful to the 90 percent who don't do well. And it's harmful for several important reasons. One of them is that everyone believes that AA is the right treatment. AA is never wrong, according to AA. If you fail in AA, it's you that's failed.

The reason that the 5 to 10 percent do well in AA actually doesn't have to do with the 12 steps themselves; it has to do with the camaraderie. It's a supportive organization with people who are on the whole kind to you, and it gives you a structure. Some people can make a lot of use of that. And to its credit, AA describes itself as a brotherhood rather than a treatment." -Dr. Lance Dodes

Listen to the interview on NPR.

Saturday, September 27, 2014

Drug Addicted Parents and the Effects on Their Children

Drug Addicted Parents and the Effects on Their Children thumbnail
Children born to drug addicted parents may suffer from health conditions.

Parents who are addicted to illegal substances are at risk for severing a relationship --- as well as guardianship --- with their children. Parental drug addiction is a form of child abuse, according to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. When parents have drug addictions, they are no longer deemed responsible caretakers, as they often expose their kids to situations involving neglect. Exposure to certain chemical substances can also have a negative impact on a child's physical and mental health

Emotional Impact
Children born of drug addicted parents are at risk for developing emotional disturbances, such as depression or anxiety disorders. When children grow up in a home that is unstable, or where they witness their parents behaving inappropriately due to the influence of drugs, it can scar a child and cause permanent emotional damage. This is especially the case if Child Protective Services gets involved and has to remove a child from his or her home. 

Displacement Impact
Child Protective Services will remove a child who resides with drug addicted parents for fear of child abuse or neglect. Displaced children are temporarily housed with foster parents while biological parents are given the opportunity to get treatment to become sober. Sometimes, children are returned to their biological parents after a temporary removal, and sometimes not. Children can spend years in the foster system, moving from one foster home to another. The effect this has on children can be detrimental and cause emotional trauma. Not only do these children often feel they have no stability in their home life, but they also become at risk for manifesting aggressive behavior as a result of their frustration.

Educational Impact
Children of addicted parents may have more trouble in school than children who are not born of drug addicted parents. Indirect drug exposure can have lingering effects on a youth's ability to learn effectively. Learning disabilities may surface as a result of the exposure. Additionally, children may develop mental health problems that cause them to lose interest in their education and drop out of school.

Substance Abuse Impact
Alcoholism and other drug addictions can be passed down from a parent to a child. Children who grow up with drug addicted parents may experience a learned behavior that, in turn, causes them to start using drugs. This unhealthy cycle can continue until someone intervenes or the family receives professional treatment.

Read more :

Sunday, August 24, 2014


Women and children have suffered severe violations of their human and civil rights within the family for millennia and hereby demand long-overdue protection of these inalienable rights:

1. Women and Children demand the right to be free of discrimination and oppression in the family.

2. Women and Children demand the right to stay together and stay safe.

3. Women demand the right to primary custody when they are the children's primary bond.

4. Children demand the right to live with their primary bond and not be treated as property, leverage or commodities.

5. Women and Children demand the right to a jury trial when custody is contested.

6. Women and Children demand the right to be free from abuse, violence and sexual assault in the family.

7. Women and Children demand the right to the presumption of credibility when they report abuse, violence or sexual assault in the family.

8. Women and Children demand the right to thorough criminal investigations and adjudications of abuse, violence or sexual assault in the family.

9. Women and Children demand the right to be free of intimidation, retaliation or coercive persuasion after reporting abuse, violence, or sexual assault in the family.

10. Women and Children demand the right to speak out freely and publicly if any of the aforementioned rights are violated.

More info and to join International Organization for Women and Children:

Friday, August 22, 2014

The 13th Step the film

The 13th Step is about the criminal and sexually predatory behavior that occurs systematically in Alcoholics Anonymous. This behavior goes unchecked by A.A.'s world headquarters, despite repeated warning from respected board members and longtime members. This behavior is exacerbated by the systematic sentencing of criminals and sex offenders to AA meetings without the knowledge of the other AA members.

Tuesday, August 12, 2014

Financial Abuse Takes Heavy Toll On Domestic Violence Survivors

"In the past, domestic violence victims would leave with nothing but their children and the clothes on their back," the note concluded. 'Now they leave with crushing debt."

Read this important article here.

Maternal Deprivation: Share from "Battered Mothers - A Human Rights Issue"

 Maternal Deprivation, or Motherlessness, is occurring with alarming frequency due to the unethical treatment of women and children in family court.
Maternal Deprivation is inflicting abuse by severing the mother-child bond. It is a form of abuse that men inflict on both the mother and children, especially men who claim they are “parentally alienated” from their children when there are complaints of abusive treatment by the father.
Maternal Deprivation occurs when men seek to keep their children from being raised by their mothers who are the children’s natural caretakers. Some men murder the mothers of their own children. Others seek to sever the maternal bonds by making false allegations of fictitious psychological syndromes in a deliberate effort to change custody and/or keep the child from having contact with their mother when there are legal proceedings. A twisted form of Maternal Deprivation is to kill the children, so that the mother will be left to suffer. Sometimes there are family annihilation murders where the father kills the children and himself (or dies by cop), but the mother is not killed because she has received protective orders and her children have not as in the case ofJessica Gonzales.
In seeking to define this form of abuse certain common elements are found in the Maternal Deprivation scenario as follows:
  • History of domestic abuse that could be physical, psychological, sexual, and/or social abuse occurring on or off again, occasionally, or chronically which could be mild, moderate, or severe, including homicidal and/or suicidal threats.
  • Legal proceedings relating to abuse
  • Hiring of “Fathers Rights” attorney
  • Use of “Hired Gun” mental health professionals to make accusations of psychological disorder against the mother and children in deliberate effort to excuse abuse and change custody or grant visitation that is contrary to safety concerns. Another name for these unethical professionals are “Whores of the Courts
  • Raising claims of “psychological disorders” against the mother such as “Parental Alienation Syndrome” (PAS), Munchausen by Proxy Syndrome, Malicious Mother Syndrome, Lying Litigant Syndrome, Hostile Aggressive Parenting or any other mother-blaming psychological disorder that can be used by the unethical professional to re-victimize the victims.
  • Infliction of “Legal Abuse” by continually and excessively filing motions so that the mother continually has to defend herself and her child(ren) causing financial and emotional devastation.
  • Can occur in response to child support legal proceedings as retaliation.
The intent of “Maternal Deprivation” is to punish the mother and the child for revealing the abuse and to falsely claim that they are not abusive. This very commonly occurs as there are more and more “abuse-excuse” parental alienation accusing professionals who use this scientifically invalid theory over and over to achieve specific goals of the person paying them. Maternal Deprivation can also occur in response to child support legal proceedings. When occurring in this manner, Maternal Deprivation is a response to the financial demands as retaliation. Suddenly the father who had little prior involvement wants to take the kids half the time to avoid child support obligations, etc. When the men are really abusive, they ask for sole custody and demand the mother of the child pay them.
Although some people call this “Maternal Alienation”, a distinction needs to be made as the pro-pedophilia “Parental Alienation Syndrome” and the use of the word “Alienation” are most often used AGAINST battered women and abused children. There needs to be a distinction between the phony psychological syndrome and the intentional infliction of abuse on a mother and child by intentionally severing their natural bond. This distinction can best be made by NOT using the label of “Alienation” which will always be associated with the pro-pedophilia monster Doctor Richard Gardner.
Some of the characteristics of the especially heinous abusers who inflict Maternal Deprivation include but are not limited to the following:
  • Angry
  • Abusive
  • Violent
  • Coercive
  • Controlling
  • Threatening
  • Intimidating
  • Demanding
  • Domineering
  • Harassing
  • Stalking
  • Tyrannical
  • Oppressive
  • Forceful
  • Manipulative
  • Deceptive
  • Unethical
  • Un-empathetic (Lacks Empathy)
  • Entitled
  • Immature
  • Self-centered
  • Neglectful
  • Guilt inducing
  • Pushy
  • Intentionally tries to humiliate mother and/or child
  • Harsh, rigid and punitive parenting style
  • Outrage at child’s challenge of authority
  • May use force to reassert parental position
  • Dismissive of child’s feelings and negative attitudes
  • Vents rage, blames mother for “brainwashing” child and takes no responsibility
  • Challenges child’s beliefs and/or attitudes and tries to convince them otherwise
  • Inept and unempathic pursuit of child, pushes calls and letters, unannounced or embarrassing visits. There is a distinct overlap of the intimate terrorist type domestic violence abuser with the Maternal Deprivation abusers as follows:
  • Coercion and threats
  • Intimidation
  • Emotional abuse
  • Isolation
  • Minimizing, denying and blaming (Hallmarks of PAS)
  • Using children
  • Economic abuse
  • Male privilege
The people who most often engage in Maternal Deprivation Abuse are most often: Abusive men, Vindictive second wives who don’t want to deal with the real mother of the children, Paternal grandparents who raised dysfunctional children (abusers)
The effects of Maternal Deprivation often cause the children to become psychotic, depressed, and sometimes suicidal or to have suicidal ideations.
Sometimes these children will also abuse the mother in the same manner as the father. Another generation is created to carry on the abuse, and will likely do the same to their own spouse and children.
Read the entire article here, and find links to additional articles on this issue.

Friday, May 23, 2014

"No person is your friend who demands your silence, or denies your right to grow." - Alice Walker

Tuesday, May 6, 2014

“Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.” – The Dalai Lama

Sunday, May 4, 2014

How to Claim Back our Power from People Who Piss Us Off by Kara-Leah Grant

"What happens after we completely accept a situation as it is, or a person as they are? Do we just keep covering for them, or accepting them the way they are as being all cool with us?

No, you don’t.

You accept the situation as it is but you also have a clear idea of what it is that you want to experience—you just stop relying on the other person to make that happen for you.

You realise that they are not going to change (in this moment). They are who they are. They will keep doing what they’ve always done (until they don’t anymore).

Given this, given the reality of the situation, what are you going to do? Because in tricky and difficult situations that continually repeat in our lives, it is we who are being asked to change. Not the other, but us.

In my situation, (without giving too many details to respect the privacy of my son and his father), I learned that I needed to set clearer and stronger boundaries.

I learned that I needed to ask for support and help in enforcing those boundaries.

It was really difficult to do this because I was afraid of upsetting my ex. I was afraid of creating a difficult situation. I was afraid full stop. But I realised that until I stepped into my power fully and took action, I would keep experiencing the same situation over and over and over again.

So I took action, and I took it all the way. I made the boundaries as strong and as clear as they needed to be and in the process fully stepped into my power.

That’s the second part of claiming back your power from people who piss you off—you have to take action."

Read it all on

Saturday, May 3, 2014


"Bitterness is like cancer. It eats upon the host. But anger is like fire. It burns it all clean." - Maya Angelou

Wednesday, April 30, 2014

“In a time of destruction, create something.”  ― Maxine Hong Kingston

Friday, April 25, 2014

"Action is the antidote to despair" ~Joan Baez

Sunday, April 20, 2014

Love does not Abuse

"How can someone tell you, 'I love you,' and then mistreat you and abuse you, humiliate you, and disrespect you? That person may claim to love you, but is it really love? If we love, we want the best for those we love." - The Mastery of Love by Don Miguel Ruiz

Thursday, April 17, 2014

“There is only one dream worth live while you are alive, and die only when you are dead.” ~Arundhati Roy

Sunday, April 13, 2014

Affirm your daughter's honest view of problems

"More than 50% of families are affected by one of these stress factors: a parent or extended family member who is mentally ill; someone who has been emotionally or physically abused; someone wh...o is chronically ill; or a sibling or child who has fallen off the developmental curve.

So what that means is that just about every girl has experience with one of these family stresses, but it’s often the sort of thing that people want to keep secret.

In many families, what mothers do is bring everybody together and make everything all right. We do it because it’s a seemingly healthy behavior to protect the family, but it’s very unhealthy for individuals, especially kids, who need validation about their own truthful perceptions.

Here’s an example. I had an aunt who was emotionally abusive, and when she came to visit, all of us kids would run and hide. I asked my father why he allowed her to visit, and he said, “We’re all she’s got.” I wish my father had said this: “Your aunt is angry and mean—exactly what you see—and because she is emotionally wounded, I have made a choice to keep her as part of the family. I know that it’s hard for you, but I’m going to ask you to do it as a way to build character.”

An adolescent girl’s cognitive abilities to curb her honesty in a socially appropriate way usually aren’t quite developed yet, so she tends to blurt out the truth.

It is a parental gift to affirm her perceptions, perhaps in private, and assure her that it’s OK to have that perception. Then you can help her work with the problem, knowing that you both know it’s reality, and that she’s not crazy for seeing something others won’t talk about."

~ Dr. Christiane Northrup

Read more

Saturday, April 12, 2014

“Listen--are you breathing just a little, and calling it a life?”  ― Mary Oliver

Friday, April 11, 2014

Every addiction ... is a result of self-rejection

Lies vs. The Truth
A Toltec Perspective on Addiction and Recovery
A roundtable discussion with Don Miguel Ruiz

What is addiction?

Lee: The addictions, to me, are symptoms of our discomfort with life.

Don Miguel: Every addiction ... is a result of self-rejection. Self-rejection creates all the addictions.
Gary: Would you therefore call addiction a “human” disease?

Don Miguel: I would call lies a human disease. Lies are the virus that puts the human mind in that condition. Addictions would be symptoms.

Gary: An element of the addictions community believes that alcohol, for example, is a poison for some individuals. From the very first time that you imbibe that poison, there’s a physiological addiction that develops. How do you view that? Do you think it is possible that it is a genetic disease in part? A physiological disease in part?

Don Miguel: Everything is involved in the addiction, it is not just one thing, and it is everything together. At the core is that we believe in lies. By believing in lies, we reject ourselves. Let’s see the anatomy of any addiction. At any time in life, you believe the lie that you are not the way that you should be. That creates a self-judgment and that, of course, creates self-rejection.

There are a lot of reactions from that self-rejection. Over time, these reactions become automatic. It is just action-reaction, action-reaction, hundreds of different reactions that hit you at the same time and make you behave in a certain way. It doesn’t matter where you go, or who you are with, you will always be with yourself. That is something that people cannot avoid. But, they try to escape from themselves. Maybe some drugs (Don Miguel imitates smoking) will help. Maybe some food will help. We try to avoid all those automatic reactions and we try to escape. The more that we try to escape, the more guilt, and the more shame comes up in us. We hate ourselves even more than before, sometimes so much that we attempt to kill ourselves, to just get over all of it. We fail and we don’t die. Maybe we try to kill ourselves again or maybe it is time to look for help.

When you look for help, you are looking for the truth. Then there are people who tell you, “Well, you cannot do it by yourself, you need divine help.” “You need to trust in someone and that someone will rescue you, will save you.” “You need a savior.” You ask, “God, please help me!” That is a big step. God is here (Don Miguel points to his chest.) Or maybe God is here (Don Miguel points to Barbara.) “God, I am so sick.”

I don’t know if you remember back to the very beginning of Dreaming (the Dreaming classes Don Miguel started in 2000) when I let all of you know that you are predators, that you are the parasite. I asked each one of you to stand up and say, “I am a parasite and I am addicted to suffering.” I asked you to describe all the ways that you make yourself suffer — “I suffer because I drink too much.” “I
suffer because I smoke too much.” “I suffer because I eat too much.” “I suffer ....” That was a big step in awareness. Now, you know.

Then it becomes will versus all those lies.

The role of will

Don Miguel: Will is not something that you can measure by quantity or intensity. Will is the result of the application of the truth.

 Lee: So when someone says, “I don’t have the willpower to not drink.” What you’re actually saying ...

Don Miguel: Then you are lying. I respond by saying, “You are lying.” But if you want to believe that lie, then drink for the rest of your life.

Lee: Where does will fit appproximately in that relationship?

Don Miguel: First, you want to hear yourself. It is your desire, you are tired of the addiction, and you don’t want it any more — all the automatic reactions that become millions of reactions that control you, that keep you in that direction. You experience all the excuses and all that becomes automatic in your body, but you believe that you cannot control the addiction, which is another lie, of course.

First you have a desire to be saved, but real desire. I am not talking about saying, “Oh, I want to stop smoking,” as you pick up a cigarette and continue to smoke. That is lying. Compare that to the person who picks up a cigarette, looks at the cigarette and says, “It’s over. I don’t smoke anymore.” That is will. The will is not controlled by your intellect. It is not a desire in your head to try to stop doing something. That is not will. That is stupidity. Do you understand?

Read the full interview here.